What is wrong with women?

What is wrong with women?

Dear Agatha,

With due respect to you and millions of women out there, what is wrong with you women? Why does it appear that most women are out to ruin men, no matter what men do to please them?

Why is it so difficult for women to love unconditionally? Why are women such opportunists always taking and never willingly to give in return? Why do women think men are such fools they can use, dump and use again when it suits them?

From my mother to my wife, there is nothing positive worth telling about the women in my life. My mother walked away from her marriage when I was just nine years old. I remember vividly how my father and younger brother begged her to stay as she made to enter a car with a man who helped her get her things from my father’s house. She told us as well as the neighbors who also came to plead with her to reassess her decision, that she cannot tolerate the presence of my father anymore because he lacked all it takes to make her happy.

We were able to overcome that terrible period in our lives as my father dedicated himself to the welfare of my brother and I. He vowed never to remarry despite pressures from family and friends. Though my mother made attempts to come back to us when the rich man she left us for;  abandoned her and the child she had for him, my father remained resolved never to live with a woman again.

When it was time for me to marry he however gave me his unconditional blessings. He never attempted to pressure me with his experiences. Unfortunately for me, I married a woman in the similitude of my mother. Despite all I did to make her happy, she left me and our twin children for another man. I actually trailed her to their meeting point following a tip-off from the man’s wife that her husband and my wife were having an affair. When I challenged her, she said I had no right to embarrass her in the public.

That happened five years ago. Now she is back asking me to take her back. What kind of woman would leave two-year old children for a man and come back five years after to claim to be their mother?

I simply don’t understand the stuff you women are made of?

Agatha, please help me to understand as I feel like taking her life. Help me to understand why women are this callous.

Unfortunately, one of the twins is a girl.

I apologize if I offend you with my questions because whether you believe me or not, I hold you in very high esteem.


Dear Desmond,

I want to start by assuring you that I’m in no way offended by your questions or generalization of women because of your experiences. Going through your mail, I actually empathize with you on account of your terrible experiences with the women you have come in contact with so far.  No man who has gone through your pains, disappointment and humiliations, first at the hands of his mother and then, his wife, will ever have nice things to say about women or the marriage institution for that matter.

But I assure you that not all women are like your mother and wife. Being bad or good isn’t a gender thing. Rather the person we grow up to be determines our place in life. Out there are very decent and trust-worthy women who are ready to put their lives on the line for their husbands, children and even the society.

We women aren’t always unconscious of the many sacrifices of most men for their families. There are millions of women out there who know how to appreciate and value their men. Regrettably, the conduct of your mother and wife makes it impossible for you to correctly rate the exceptional qualities of countless women who daily put in their everything to ensure their husbands, children and extended family are happy and comfortable.

Believe me when I say, it is not in the nature of the average woman to ruin her man or be callous. Women are placed in the position to build and nurture by God. However the values a woman grew up with, just like the men who cheat, maim, violate and kill their wives, influence the choice she makes as an adult.

No child, whether male or female is born with the heart of deceit and cruelty. These are habits we pick and form from our nascent years through association with people around us. Your mother and wife got her habits from their exposure to the wrong set of people they bond with. There are others too who are fortunate to have been surrounded by the right people whose positive influence shaped them to be better than their peers.

You are who you are today because of the efforts of your father as well as the other people around you. There is no way your father alone could have raised you without help from his female relations, neighbours and friends. There is always an army of volunteers of helpers available to children when growing up.

So, it isn’t a gender thing but a societal issue. There are several men out there who because of their irresponsibility and cruelty to their wives and children, depict men in the minds of some women as the devil’s incarnates. Just like the women in your life have hurt you badly, a lot of women have been killed or permanently damaged by men they once loved and trusted.

When it comes to life experiences, there are no winners or losers. We are all who we are by association and divine directions.

But you can make this right by helping to teach your daughter how to be a good woman by introducing her early in life to the word and fear of God. Once a child is enabled by the words and ways of God through a loving process, he or she grows up to differentiate what is wrong from right.

Given your familiarities with how a bad woman can destroy a man, you are more than equipped to help your daughter focus on the right values a woman should have to make a good wife, mother and friend to her man. Your daughter should emerge as one of the best things to ever happen to you in life, to showcase to the likes of your mother and wife that a woman can be a vessel of honour: who is dependable and reliable.

But beyond the physical is the spiritual. The incidents with you and your father on the conduct of your wives cannot be mere co-incidents. There is more to it than meets the eye. Go and ask your father probing questions concerning his family as well as his own life, especially when he was young. If the problem started with him, ask him about his relationships before he met and married your mother.

Was there a woman he didn’t treat right? Someone he hurt so badly? When an incident keep repeating itself in the family, something is wrong somewhere. He should think and go and make amends to prevent his sons and descendants from this emotional torture. If that isn’t the case, urge him to investigate more through the assistance of God. There is definitely a leprous finger at work spiritually which is determined to ensure you all never have a stable marital life.

On your own, pray for God’s help and interventions to unveil the kernel of the problem. If you are unwillingly to do it for yourself, do it for your children.

At His own time, God shall make right all that is wrong. Just focus more on Him than all your disappointments with women.

Good luck,

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