I have been dating my girlfriend for more than five years now. She is currently 25 years of age and in her third year at the university. I love her as much as she loves me.
But her arrogant, childish and stubborn attitude is making me think twice about continuing the relationship. Her total disposition gives the impression she is no longer interested in the relationship.
I was forced into another relationship about two months by her disposition and right now, am considering settling down with the second lady whose 29 years of age is closer to mine.
This other woman is more matured in disposition and loves me. In addition, she values our relationship. Even though our relationship is relatively young, it feels as if I have known her for a long time. We are both public servants.
Having made up my mind about the future of my new relationship, I contacted my first girlfriend to inform her of my decision to end our relationship.
Her response is the reason I need your help urgently.
After listening to what I had to say, she told me it was okay with her for me to quit but made it clear, she was still interested in our relationship. She went on to say she was willing to give me the space I needed to think but if my mind was totally made up on ending the relationship, she would release me.
Her response got me confused; I had to discontinue the conversation.
Agatha, I need your help to get out of this dilemma. If possible, I want to know the attributes of a good woman.
Dear Mr. Confused,
No matter how grave the challenges you were having with her, you shouldn’t have entered into another relationship, without a proper closure of the existing one.
As it is now, you are in a quandary because deep down in your being, you still have feelings for her, one you didn’t realize you had until your discussion with her. This is reason for your confusion. This is what happens when an important decision that should be thoroughly thought through is taken on the spur of the moment.
You didn’t give both of you the chance to work things out before walking into another relationship. If you had endured her kind of person, put up with her attitude and excesses for five years, what was the hurry in starting another relationship without informing your first girlfriend of your intentions, or at least giving her a hint.
Truth is, you started paying more attentions to all her faults when you started dating the other woman. The moment the other woman walked into your life, you were no longer ready to put up with the extremes of your first girlfriend because there was someone else in your life to compare her with.
Your dilemma has gone beyond me lecturing you on the attributes of an ideal woman. Even if I list all the so called qualities of an ideal woman, it won’t work because deep in your heart, is where the true answer to your problem is.
And only the veracity of what you actually feel for your first girlfriend can dissolve your confusion. The fact that you are pausing in the track of your new relationship to flip through the pages of your life with your first woman and wondering if you are with the right woman is evidence of your real feelings for your first girlfriend.
Frustration and anger may have made you decide to end it all with her, but reality is saying something else. If really you were with over her, you wouldn’t be so affected by that talk with her. It would have been a simple matter of ending the relationship and you moving on.
To avoid lamentable regrets, it would be wise for now to suspend your relationship with the other woman until you have had the chance to clear your head.
It is really more in her own interest that you are clear minded when you make the decision to spend the rest of your life with her, or else she will never have the best of you.
Even if she will never like the idea of you taking time off to think, make her understand that in your current state of mind, you have to be crystal clear about what you desire.
Marriage isn’t a journey one goes into based on sentiments only. It is a journey of naked reality, one with more indemnity than losses. This is because keeping a marriage forever needs every emotion from the couple; it takes determination, deep commitment and friendship to the other party to forge on.
A couple can begin their journey on shallow feelings but won’t last when the storm comes. This is why you need this break from these two women to think and clear your mind of the confusion you currently are in.
To help you come to a near perfect choice, ask yourself which of these women brings out the best in you. While some men; prefer women who are tough and unpredictable, others like the placid kind. Which of them fits most into your dream of the ideal woman?
Importantly, which of these two is more honest about her nature? More often than not, when a woman thinks age is telling on her, she can pretend to be what she is not for the simple reason of attracting and sustaining the interest of a suitor. By the time the man realizes the true nature of the woman, it might be too late to back out.
Importantly, you need the help and guidance of God to make the right choice because the worst thing that can happen to a man is to have a woman who lacks what he needs to drive him to success.