How do I get her back?

How do I get her back?

Dear Agatha,

Three months ago, I took to the advice of some of my friends who, unknown to me, wanted to get even with my girlfriend for preventing them from having easy access to my money and time.

Being the only child of my parents, I inherited their wealth when they both died in an accident on their way to my graduation ceremony, at Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, 12 years ago.

But for the strictness of my paternal uncle, who didn’t allow me to waste all my inheritance, the first 10 years of my life was devoted to careless lifestyle. My uncle in his wisdom invested the bulk of my inheritance on Federal Government Treasury bills and bonds and made himself chairman of the company my father left for me, a move unknown to me then was intended to forestall me mismanaging the company.

He however ensured I got a healthy allowance to keep me happy. Naturally, I had a lot of friends around me. Some even wondered why I allowed my uncle the freedom to manage my wealth when I could easily do so myself but knowing how strict and fearsome my uncle could be, I never challenged him. Besides, he and my father were very close and treated us, their children, as one. They kept so many secrets between them. Furthermore, he looked exactly like my father in appearance.

My reckless living experienced a lull when I met this lady who remains the only woman I would love till I die, Yes, we met at a party organized by a friend of mine in a club. From her disposition on the day we met, one could easily tell she wasn’t the kind that visited clubs or was into loud lifestyles. She was invited by my friend’s sister.

Most of the time, she sat alone nursing a soft drink. This attracted me to her and I volunteered to keep her company. At a point, I offered to drive her home because she was really bored but she declined on the grounds of not knowing me enough to take such risk.

But she agreed to give me her number when her friend was finally ready to go. I didn’t waste time calling her later that day to know if she got home safely and how she was doing.

Instinctively, I knew she was different, the kind you treated with respect. I knew I had to get her to see and trust me as a friend before anything else. For a whole year, I was contented being her friend. I must confess that she changed me without my knowing. I stopped hanging out with my friends and instead showed a desire to understudy my uncle in the management of the company.

I became more matured in everything. I even started saving money from my allowances, a fact that made my uncle happy as I stopped demanding for extra money from him. Even when he offers me extra money, I would decline and tell him I have enough money left in my account to carry me to month end.

The day she agreed to be my girlfriend was and still is the happiest day of my life. I could tell immediately that my uncle liked her when I took her to meet with him.

He later called me aside and advised me never to let go of her. I was on the verge of proposing formally to her when my friends said, she was after my money. In fact, the friend whose sister is her friend was more vocal. He told me things about her that made me change my mind. Since the sister and my girlfriend were close, I simply took all they said about her as being the correct version.

I simply went back to drinking and partying until she was forced to end the relationship. It was after she had left me, I got to know from my friend’s sister that her brother and my other friends lied against her because they felt she was preventing them from having access to me and my money.

I have tried to reach her to beg her but she has refused to listen to me or allow me into her flat. She lives alone as her parents are aboard. In the office, she left strict instructions at the security not to allow me in. She has apparently gone ahead to block my number on her phone since I cannot get through to her number. When I used another number, she would answer but drop the line immediately she hears my voice.

Agatha, I’m desperate to have her back. How do I go about it? My uncle is out of the country for medical check-up. I don’t know how to tell my uncle about my behaviour towards her and don’t want to disturb him.

I love her so very much. I cannot live without her. Please help me.


Dear Jide,

Before you talk of getting her back, you must first settle within yourself the issue of trust. No relationship survives without trust, which is why I think your girlfriend is presently so angry with you. You failed to trust her.

Having known her for the length of time it took you to court and win her over as your girlfriend, you should have been able to detect when a web of lies is being woven around her person.

Even if you had doubts, the right thing would have been for you to confront her with what your friends said about her, not to just make up your mind without giving her a chance to defend herself, before terminating the relationship. Nothing hurts as deep as the person you trust is mistrusting you at the flimsiest excuse.

This is what you have to properly resolve on your own before going to plead with her to forgive you. Be very honest with yourself, if the sister of your friend hadn’t come out in defense of your girlfriend, to tell you the reasons your friends ganged up against her, would you have considered going back to her? Would you have believed her true intentions of agreeing to be your girlfriend, would you have trusted in the love she has for you?

The question here is do you love her enough to believe in her person, both her good points and faults? In addition do you have faith in her kind of love for you? Through your actions, you have unconsciously raised fundamental questions in your relationship-that of knowing what you want from life.

Unless you force yourself to face your inner person at this point of your life, you will always have challenges with your relationships. It is either you draw the line between your friends and your personal life or allow your friends the freedom to continue to dictate what you do with your life. This is the right time to properly weed your life of influences that aren’t useful to you. At the stage you are in and with the kind of future that awaits you, you need positive people who can manage and increase your inheritance, not ones that will encourage you to waste the sacrifices of your late parents and the uncle who has dutifully played the role of a loving father to you.

Clear this debris of friends you have first from your life before thinking of going to make peace with your woman. There are ways of putting such friends in check. Refuse to have time to fraternize with them, focus your attention on your work and other things that are more important.  By the time you turn down their invitations repeatedly, they will get the message that you no longer trust in the quality of friendship they have to offer you.

To get your woman to listen to you, enlist the help of her friend to set up a meeting between the two of you. Don’t explain anything because in your attempt to, you may end up messing the already complicated matter between the two of you. Begin whatever it is you want to tell her by apologizing to her and accepting the entire blame. Getting your uncle involved, would definitely ease things between the two of you.

Good luck.