I’m in dire need of your help because my fiancée and girlfriend are pregnant at the same time. I’m 32 years of age and plan to settle down with my fiancée early next year. We have actually set Tuesday, February 14 as our wedding day.
I love her so much for her selflessness and respectful attitude towards me and my family. Though from a very established family, she has never looked down on my extremely humble family. She is actually instrumental to my success in life. To stop her family and friends looking down on me, she discreetly built a modest house for my family without even my knowledge. When I got to know, she said, she did it for the friendship between her and my mother; that I wasn’t under any obligations to her. All the documents concerning the house are in my mother’s name.
Her gesture was all the more surprising because as at that time, we had gone our different ways because she caught me in bed with another woman. It took the interventions of my mother to reconcile us as she was already in another relationship with the son of her mother’s friend.
Despite pressures from her family and friends to continue with the man of their choice, she stood her grounds. She refused to be swayed by their opinion that I was only interested in her wealth and connections. At a point, she told her family and friends to let her be as she was ready to live with the knowledge of me being after her money.
Like every couple, we were always having one issue or the other. It was during one of those periods, I met my teenager girlfriend early this year. I met her at a friend’s birthday bash and we ended up in bed that day. I guess the appeal of her young body got me all fired up. At 17, she fulfilled all my fantasies about sex. Unlike my woman who has some reservations on where and when to make love, I could have this girl anywhere, anytime. She simply didn’t care. One of my age-long fantasies to have sex in an open place like the beach, she did without inhibitions.
I ignored the concern of my friend who cautioned against my association with her. I didn’t care and kept the relationship on the side. The fact that she wasn’t a decent girl, judging from her conduct and her general disposition to life, didn’t prevent me from enjoying my moments with her.
However, I came to my full self when my woman and I sorted out all our differences and made the decision to marry on that special day.
I decided to do the right thing by informing the other lady about my intentions to settle down with my woman. She didn’t say anything immediately but came back three days after to inform me she was with my child.
Her mother came to my office the following day to demand for half a million Naira to settle her daughter or have my affairs with her under-aged daughter exposed.
From her mother’s position, I know I may have fallen into a scripted trap but how do I get out of this whole mess I walked into? Should I give her the money or allow them to do their worst?
Ordinarily, I would have said, you completely ignore the attempt by mother and child to blackmail you but, you won’t be the only one that would get hurt. The woman who has shown you nothing but love and kindness will be gravely affected by your indiscretion and outright carelessness. So you have to be crafty in your handling of this matter.
However, whether true or false, you were irresponsible to have had unprotected sex outside your fiancée. What if the issue here isn’t just about pregnancy but one that has to do with serious medical conditions such as syphilis, HIV or any other STDs? How would you explain to your woman how you came about it?
That the other lady is still 17, means you can be arrested by her mother for defiling her under-aged daughter. It would be her words against yours. Even if people around mother and child know the truth about the promiscuous lifestyle of the young lady, the onus would be on you to prove your claims. Having slept with her makes you guilty.
Not putting into consideration the medical well-being of your woman whose reproductive health and life you were staking to have unprotected sex with this girl, also calls to question your so-called love for her. The moment a man and woman give the commitment to go steady; they have become bound by that agreement. Faithfulness doesn’t start after the wedding ceremony, it begins from the moment the couple agree to share their future together. No relationship is insulated from challenges. They remain inevitable to bring out the strength and character of a particular relationship. Challenges should never be an excuse for either of you to throw away decency.
If there is one thing this situation has thrown up, it is the nature of your true feelings for your fiancée. Do you love her for who she is or because she has become a habit in your life? Are her parents and friends right that you only desire her money and not that you, love her? These questions may appear unfair but you cannot keep pretending to yourself at this crucial point of your relationship. To go ahead with your wedding plans without first sorting out the issues your affair with the teenager has brought to the fore, would be like sweeping dirt under the rug or postponing the evil day.
The issue here isn’t the affair you had with the teenager, but that you were willing to continue after the first day you met and slept with her. Had it ended with that, there wouldn’t have been a problem at all. But that you kept it going until this point, tells a story of a secret disillusionment with your steady relationship.
Can you bring yourself to face this truth, admit and deal with it before your February 14th date?
To scoff at this suggestion is to set your marriage up for failure later in life. A broken relationship is preferable to a broken marriage. Admit it or not, there is a salient issue in your relationship. Yes, it is normal for a man to be intoxicated by an opportunity for new sex-capade, fresh fantasies and all the attendant erogenous desires that go with them. But, come to think of it, is it worth putting all you have worked for on the line for the flesh of this teenager?
This is the time for you to be very honest about how you really feel. It may turn out to be a non-issue but it would help a great deal, to examine your true intent. You will come to appreciate this moment later in life.
Having said this, don’t give in too cheaply to the demands of the mother of this young lady. Insist you want to be sure she is really pregnant by taking her for a test in your own hospital. If she is indeed pregnant, tell the mother you would want a DNA done once the baby is born to ascertain the true paternity of the child.
Assure her, you are ready to fend for your child and won’t be a party to aborting the baby. Chances are you may not see either of them again if this is a scheme to squeeze money out of you. Besides, if the woman is exploiting the daughter for money, she will never allow the kind of future she has chosen for her daughter to be derailed by pregnancy. No girl her age will have the absolute freedom she has, without her mother’s support. Mother and child are professionals at this game. They lure and blackmail men for a living. To concede to their demand is to become their tool of blackmail.
The trick here is not to ignore them or give them the impression you are affected by their demands. Let the mother know you aren’t ready to part with such money because you don’t have it. Blackmailers don’t like resistance, just as there is no assurance that they won’t come again when you give in to their demand this first time.
Although this may put a spanner in your wedding plans, be honest with your woman just in case mother and daughter plan to be mischievous. No doubt it would hurt your fiancée, but if your relationship is meant to be, she will forgive you.