My boyfriend and I started dating six years ago, but became very steady two years ago. Our relationship had complications because of his attitude as well as liking for other women. It was during the period of our courtship, he got another woman pregnant.
It happened in the first year which led to our breaking up, but he came back to beg me after the lady in question gave birth. From the disposition of the lady, she wasn’t interested in marrying him: just desired him to play the role of a father to her daughter.
At first, I didn’t want to take him back into my life but, after making him beg for almost a year, I decided to forgive him and continue with the relationship, believing that he had learnt his lessons.
The first six months after that incident were fantastic. He was all attentive and shunned all members of his vast female fan-club. I was happy at the turn of things and had actually adjusted to his new person when I noticed he had gone back to his former ways.
Again, I took a walk until two years ago when he sent his friends to beg me to return to him. Although I was already in a new relationship but I wasn’t really into the guy, because a part of me was still in love with my former boyfriend.
It was such a sweet relief when his friends came on his behalf to beg. After the initial female hide and seek game, I forgave him.
We made plans to marry on his birthday this year, April 1. We had gone as far as agreeing on the colours and venue. We had also informed our pastor to keep that date for us.
Agatha, I thought nothing could go wrong again until I walked into his bedroom three days ago to see him making love to his married ex-girlfriend. What hurt the most; was his reactions when he saw me. Rather than apologize, he asked angrily what I was doing in his house at that time of the day when I was supposed to be at work. The lady didn’t even betray any shame instead she was hostile to me and actually ordered me out of the house.
I didn’t know how I got back to the office that day. Before I got home that day, he was already in our house to beg. To make matters worse, I discovered I was pregnant this morning.
I don’t have anybody to turn, hence my decision to share my problem with you. I don’t know what to do, but one thing is for sure; I don’t want this baby, at least not now. It is so painful and confusing because despite all his many betrayals, I still love him more than any man on earth.
I have done everything for this man. I would have been able to endure the situation if it was with the mother of his child but this one who left him to marry another man? I feel like a fool because, while we were planning our wedding, he was busy frolicking with a married woman. And to treat me as if I meant nothing to him… how can someone you love so much be so cruel, Agatha?
Many a time, it is impossible to comprehend the complexity of the human mind, especially when it comes to the story of love. Various experiences have shown that love isn’t as simple a chemistry as we have been led to think.
To try to define the chemical composition of love is to exhaust oneself in the quest of defining the many layers of love. This is because no one definition can adequately explain what love really is.
Take your case for instance, under normal circumstances, you shouldn’t be feeling love for a man who has betrayed you in every way a man can betray a woman, but you appear incapable of letting him go, because the chemistry between the two of you appears right. That chemistry will never ever make it wrong for you to love him even when reality makes the relationship bad for you. Not even you can decrypt while you are unable to hate him.
The chemical components of love at times make intelligent people look like fools to the audience watching their love story.
This helplessness is what you have to fight against to enable you move on with your life. Trust me when I say certain kinds of love have to be buried, no matter how painful. Unless, your boyfriend is really ready to change, has the will power to fight his hyperactive libido, you will continue to get hurt. This is the reality check you have to accept. You have to learn from this experience to love yourself more than you do him, to prevent you from having both emotional and psychosomatic illness due to what you are going through.
Many women have ended up in mental homes as a result of emotional problems. When a woman isn’t happy in the choice she made, a lot of things happen to her emotionally and physically. She becomes far older than her real age and in extreme cases, goes into early menopause.
You don’t need a man who will always make you feel less than the woman you really are, just because you happen to love him very much. Learn first to love yourself before thinking of loving this man. Doing this will help you appreciate and value yourself better.
Don’t feel like a fool. You don’t have the patent for that feeling. At some points in our lives, many of us have felt like you. It is just the way life is. Relationship is a gamble. At times we elect to love those who aren’t worth our time and energy, but that doesn’t make falling in love wrong. One day, when you meet the right man, you will understand this.
On the issue of the baby, don’t do anything you will regret later. The baby is an innocent party in all this. Give the baby a chance to heal your wounds; God isn’t in the business of making mistakes. Allow His will for that child and you to become a reality.
There is no way you can deal with the twin issues of the baby and the betrayal in your current state of mind. To attempt it, is to take a hasty decision you will really regret later in life.
For now, it might be best you go to a very quiet place with a friend or sister to heal by taking one day at a time. By allowing the wounds to heal naturally, you would be giving yourself the freedom to appreciate the innocent life inside you as well as the chance to love again.
There is no medicine or advice for a broken heart that heals better than time. Its healing balm is supreme to everything known to humans. One day, you will smile again. Just trust God whose agenda for a better and happier you caused this to happen so as to get your attention. Learn to trust God more. You will come to thank Him one day for this experience.