Dear Agatha,

I came to the home of my bosses as a maid when I was just 11 years old. My madam changed all that by sending me to the same school as her children. She always told me that I may have started out as her maid, but she has adopted me as her child and that I can be everything I want to be in life irrespective of my past.

Through her support, love and care, I’m today a graduate at 23 years of age. To everybody not familiar with how I came to her life, I’m her first daughter. She has three boys, all who look up to me as their eldest sister. The children are as nice as their mother.

Although my oga has an attitude, but I will always be grateful to him for allowing his wife to be a mother to me.

Being very close to my madam, I know things are not too good between her and her husband. On several ocassions, she has complained about his coldness towards her. She is the one who takes care of the needs of the house. She has also expressed worries that there may be another woman in his life, because he is always on his phone chatting with someone she suspects to be another woman.

On such occasions I would always remind her of her worth as a woman, wife and mother.

About two weeks ago, I went to visit my boyfriend who just packed into a new apartment three weeks ago. I haven’t had the chance to visit him because we have been very busy at the boutique I manage on behalf of my madam.

I had planned to go with the kids, but changed my mind when the car wouldn’t start, which thinking back now was a good thing.

I hadn’t spent up to 10 minutes when I saw my boss drive in with my madam’s best friend and her child. I would have gone out to greet them but for the child that kept referring to my oga as daddy. From where I stood by the window, I could clearly see the intimacy between my oga and my madam’s friend.

Out of curiosity, my boyfriend came over to see what had caught my interest and when he saw them, he said, they live in the back flat, upstairs.

Since he was yet to meet my oga during the times he visited us at home, I explained my interest in the couple.

Fortunately, my boyfriend lives in the first flat downstairs so made it easy for me to go unnoticed by anyone.

My problem now is what to do with the information I have at my disposal. The woman is one of my madam’s closest friends. When my madam asked who the father of her unborn baby was about four years ago, she said the man was married and hadn’t made up his mind if he wanted her to be his second wife or not. How do I tell my madam that her husband is the father of that child and that her so called friend is the strange woman in her marriage?

How do I tackle this issue without it affecting their marriage?


Dear Timileyin,

If there is one thing life has taught me well, is never to tell a spouse about his or her cheating partner. To do that is to get yourself involved in an issue that doesn’t concern you directly at the end of the day. Couples always have a way of settling their problems, if left alone.

People who interfere are usually the scapegoats at the end of the day. Be careful because you were not and never will be part of the chemistry that brought them together.

Marriage is the private decision of two people to spend the rest of their lives together irrespective of their individual faults. One thing you must never do is to allow yourself to be cited as the reason for their break up. Yes, you have come to love this woman as your mother, but she is at the end of the day is this man’s wife.

I’m sure when the decision was made by her to marry this man; she must have considered the possibility of him cheating on her along the way. Although no woman ever discusses this aspect of her fears, the truth is, most women do consider its possibility now and then and have at one point or the other, decided not to be affected by it should their fears come true.

But again, there are others who might end up killing themselves or the mistresses of their husbands should they ever find out, that they are being cheated/betrayed.

There is no telling how your madam would react to the news of her best-friend and husband betraying her trust in them. She may not be strong enough to handle this matter without it affecting her health or psychology.

But you can help her by being more loving towards her and offering her the kind of encouragement that will see her more happy with herself and in her children, including you.

By being closer to her, you can also discourage her from allowing everybody access to her personal things. This you can do by making up stories of how friends are daily betraying each, especially when it comes to the issue of husband stealing. You can also make it your business to always lock her room when this friend is around as well as staying close to your madam to prevent her from being poisoned.

You could also drop hints to your madam on the need to be careful when this friend is around, because something inside you doesn’t trust her.

It is also strange that your madam appears not to know where her friend stays. This doesn’t exactly work in her favour as she appears to be too engrossed in her business to care about the people around her. This might be one of the reasons her husband found comfort in the arms of this friend of hers; though not a tenable excuse for the two of them to stab her behind her. You could act innocent by asking your madam if she knows where this friend of hers stays and encourage her to go and visit her since she appears to be the only one visiting.

Also, encourage your madam to have more time for her husband by going back to the drawing board to be that woman he married. Many a time, most women push their husbands out through their choices. From what you have said, your madam maybe too busy making a success of her business to have time for her husband. When a man doesn’t get the attention and care of his wife, there is the tendency for him to stray into the hands of other very willing women. Agreed, a man given to extra marital affairs will always come up with an excuse to justify his choice, but the woman has to play her part to absolve herself of blame at the end of the day.

Granted that this is very precarious and given the fact that this other woman already has a child for your madam’s husband, but if she is determined to have her husband back, this fact won’t matter at the end of the day.

Above all learn to pray for her and her home. By standing in gap for her in prayers, you would be doing her a great deal of help.

Good luck.

0805 450 0826

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.